I know... I've been gone a while

I know I've been gone too long! My munchkins have kept me pretty busy. So here's what has happened:
I was due with our handsome baby boy around August 29th, 2010. September 3rd I got up at 8am and while walking to the living room I felt a gush and what felt like a braxton hicks contraction. It was the start of labor! I labored all day with the contractions getting pretty uncomfortable. Aound 7pm I found a small amount of blood and even though that was it, just alittle, I thought we should go to the hospital. Not surprising things went downhill from there. I was 5cm dialated whe I was checked in around 8:30pm. My Doctor was not on call that weekend so I got Doctor B.
Doctor B. was not pleasant and I didn't like him. He seemed so uninterested in his job. I began to have painful back labor and when I was laying down it was horrible. When mom and Micah left me alone around 10pm Doctor B. Came in to put internal monitoring in, I should have said no, but when I moaned (because laying down hurt) he asks me "if you think this hurts what makes you think you can handle a natural birth?" I can't explain how much what he said bothered me (still does). Not long after that I felt week and sad and gave in to the epidural. At that point I was 8cm. Unfortunatly that turned out to be my biggest mistake. From midnight to about 7am I went from 8cm to almost 10. Finally I progressed enough to push, but Dainon's head was so high and it would not come down. Doctor B walked in, told me my contractions were backtoback and not effective and Dainon's head was swelling. I made the sad and horrific choice to have a 2nd c-section.
When they wheeled me into the OR I was numb, but as Doctor B. started to cut I realized I could feel it, and it hurt! I cried out, told them I could feel it, begged then to stop. I felt ripping in my abdomen and Micah later told me the dr was ripping my old incision apart with his hands. Finally after what seemed like eternity I heard my son cry, though I didn't really care because I was hurting, then suddenly it was about 30 minutes later and I don't remember those 30 minutes. According to my husband I was still awake, crying and moaning in pain... I just don't remember it.

Dainon was born with a serious conehead, but by the time I got to see him his head was almost back to normal. Dainon was born at 9:30am and even though I asked many times I was not allowed to see him until around noon.

Dainon was a healthy 7 lbs. 10.5 oz. and despite the swollen head he was perfectly healthy. I how ever, still have nightmares because of the surgery. When getting teeth pulled recently I shook so hard and cried that the dentist had to stop and calm me down. Thankfully I have an incredible dentist whose kind and gentle approach has helped me get rid of some of the fear of feeling pain.

I didn't get my VBAC, but I was so close. I know I can do it next time!